We are expecting our fifth daughter this November. My house is getting a little less organized, a little more dusty, foot prints can be seen on the hardwood and dust bunnies have settled in the corners. There are often times that someone steps out of the shower to find there are no clean towels in the house. I am eating chocolates at dinnertime and napping after lunch. My kids are getting a bit more screen time too. All in all, a typical pregnancy story.
Just days before I realized the good news of my fifth pregnancy, I was asked by a young lady what pregnancy was like for me because her sister had told her it was horrible. I told her no, I think it’s magical. I told her that it’s the most amazing thing to watch your body change and grow to accommodate new life. Yes, you might feel sick sometimes, you might get painful varicose veins, have trouble sleeping, pee every five minutes, and feel like a beached whale at some point in the adventure but it’s so worth it.
Once my new blend of hormones kicked in I remembered exactly why it was that someone might say that pregnancy is horrible. I was so sick I lost 7 pounds in 2 weeks. I thought I wanted to die. All I could do was lay on the couch and pray for the vomiting to stop so I could go to sleep and forget about how terrible I was feeling.
Thankfully that part didn’t last forever as I feared it would and now I am remembering the magic of it as I watch my belly grow, which happens much faster than it did the first time I was pregnant! I lay awake at night with a hand over my womb waiting for the first flutters of little hands and feet that I know will soon turn into shocking heaves of knees and elbows rudely pushing into my organs. I wait for the unbearable pain of labor and the the difficult trial that is childbirth. And I am so excited for it all!
At this point I can’t imagine loving another baby’s face like I love my four babies that I have right now in front of me. But I have experienced the miracle of the impossible before and trust in it to come again. So, I wait with joy and anticipation even in the midst of the sleepiness, the nausea, the lack of motivation, the painful veins, and all the indignities of pregnancy, knowing there is magic in it.
I don’t know if this will be my last pregnancy, it’s certainly a possibility. I know there will come a day when I will have said goodbye to my time of childbearing and it will just be a dream of memories with the evidence of its reality seen in my children and the scars left on my body. For now, I cherish it and hold it close to my heart and try to commit to memory the feeling of another life inside me and I am so thankful for the privilege and the joy that it is.